Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So vagazzling was a success
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
