Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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