i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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