You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
