So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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