i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I bet he comes in French.
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