did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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