Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
