i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
