and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
