sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
