So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
