google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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