wanna go halves on a baby?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
