he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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