Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
