Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
