I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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