I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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