The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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