school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
