You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize