so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
