Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
