dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
