the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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