plz talk dirty to me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
