even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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