My friends, they love my intelligence
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Someone shit on the floor
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
