I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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