Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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