Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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