I want to walk on stilts...naked
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
