you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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