Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
