I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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