I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
