CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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