If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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