How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
