he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
