I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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