I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
