also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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