Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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