Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
