I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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