Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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