I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
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