How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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