his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
