I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
