My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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