in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
