I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
