This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
