If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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