eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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