just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I would fuck him just for his dog
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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