my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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