I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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