so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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