Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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