so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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