For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
