so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
