Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
