im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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