Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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