Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
