dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
